Thursday, March 24, 2011

I Love Miracle Whip

Yesterday I started this blog and I gave ya’ll the recipe for Ida Clare’s Done Good Potato Salad.

Ya’ll write me back after you make it and tell me how your Ida Man! liked it.   We can’t control the Ida Man! in our lives, even when we try.  But most men will eat any thing that you serve to them while the television is on.

I know you’re gonna like it cause the recipe calls for MIRACLE WHIP.  Kraft, the maker of Miracle Whip has got this advertising campaign going on where celebrities take a stand on whether you love it or hate it.  

photo by Defekto
But before I get into a hot debate and have to explain why something called Miracle Whip kinda turns me on,  I might need to tell you just who’s little ole blog you’re visiting and how I came to be a local celebrity.

Well, obviously you know because you can read that my name is Ida Clare, but not too long ago I was given what I thought was a great idea.  Since I am crafty, brilliant, a great cook, not afraid to voice my humble opinion and really need to bring in a six-figure income to support my wicked ways, my friend told me I needed to be the Martha Stewart of Big Thicket.

Photo by Cleveland Leader 200
Sure enough, when I looked in the phone book, there wasn’t a Martha Stewart listed, so I decided that is just who I would become.  Unfortunately, Martha’s lawyers didn’t think much of my friends’ idea and threatened me with a restraining order. 

You know, Oprah has a sister now.  Why can’t I be Martha’s short voluptuous younger cousin?  She’s the one who’s been in prison, not me. 

Well, since I didn't have the money to get to Connecticut anyway, (hell if you could go around the world on two dollars, I couldn't get out of sight) I just told all my friends that I  was going to become a celebrity on my own.   

Note to self:  Don’t blab about meeting celebrities till you actually meet them.


Now about Miracle Whip.  It’s the best.  I love the taste. 

•    Great for a fold over sandwich on white bread when you’re starving and too lazy to cook. 

•    You can use it to get Double Bubble Chewing Gum out of your hair when you fall asleep with it in your mouth instead of sticking your wad on the bed post.  

•    You can slather it all over your hair and use it as a conditioner. 

•    Miracle Whip will remove tar and feathers if a mob shows up in your front yard set on revenge.  

I bet Martha doesn’t even know about that.

Leave a Miracle Whip comment.  You know you have one.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sign Me Up

When about the tenth person told me I should start a blog to tell my story, I decided to finally pay attention.  Now I don’t listen to any and every jack ass that has an opinion; if you knew me at all you would know that.

I have a better system.

I pay attention to signs.  I’m not talking about signs on the side of the road, though I do give them their due to, especially if they say Bar-B-Q up ahead.  It is hard to mess up Bar-B-Q, unlike potato salad.  What is the deal-ee-o with potato salad?  For gods sake and mine, please either mash the potatoes or cook the little bastards long enough so they aren’t crunchy.  Nobody wants to eat a crunchy potato unless it’s been fried.

I declare I’m already off the subject.  (But I am gonna give you a good potato salad recipe so maybe we can get some of that excuse for potato salad off the market!  Are you with me?)

I was talking about signs.  I’ll tell you some more of my favorite road-side signs later, but now I’m talking Signs with a capital S.

Girl, you got to pay attention to signs.  They’re everywhere.  Who knows, what I am telling you right this very minute might be a sign you been needing to notice for a long time.  Is the hair on your chiny-chin-chin standing up?

I was at the library (Yes, I do read books.  We’ll talk books later.  Be thinking of ones you like and we’ll trade book titles like boys trade baseball cards.).  Like I done said, I was at the library and this woman was giving a talk about blogging and I got confused and thought she was saying hogging and since I know somebody from Pig Holler, I thought I might better listen and I found out she wasn’t talking about hogging at all.

So I took it as a sign and here I am.  Blogging with my favorite potato salad recipe.

Ida Clare’s Done Good Potato Salad!

•    Put three or four eggs on to boil while you are hunting the potatoes in your cupboard.

•    Wash and peel some potatoes.  Cut off the sprouts and dig out the eyes.  They don’t taste good no matter how much you boil them.

•    Peel more than you think you need.  (This is a rule.)  Why?  Well, it is obvious SugarBugar, if you make my potato salad there’s going to be some hogging going on.  I am basing this recipe on about 5 cups.

•    Cut up the potatoes in similar sized pieces so they will get done at the same time.

•    Put them in a pot.  Cover with water and boil the little devils until you can stick a fork in them and they come apart. 

Mashed potatos Pictures, Images and Photos
•    Drain all the water off and leave the potatoes in the pot.  Mash the bejesus out of them.  This counts as aerobic exercise and will allow you to feel righteous when you are hogging more than your share.

•    Chop up your boiled eggs.  It tastes better if you peel them first.  I like to use a cheese grader and grate my eggs, but that’s just me.  Big hunks of eggs don’t bother me.
•    Use lots of Miracle Whip.  There is no substitute.  (Start out with about a half cup.)
•    Mustard is good by the tablespoons.  Don’t overdo
•    Sweet pickle relish
•    Tablespoon of vinegar
•    Salt
•    Pepper if you insist.  Just makes me sneeze.  And that’s just rude to sneeze in the potato salad.
•    Sugar is the secret ingredient.  About three tablespoons should do it.

Have a taste-testing of your own in the kitchen to get it just right; cuts down on the hogging on your part and keeps you looking like a lady in front of the company.  Mix all this up and put in a bowl if you can wait that long.  I like it warm, but it is good cold too.

Happy Potato Salad
Ida Clare

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Welcome To Ida Clare's Blog

Happy Spring. Today seemed like an auspicious day to get the blog ball rolling. Welcome to my attempt at finding my way on the Inner-Nut.

I spent some time today looking a 4,628 blogs or nearly that amount and I have to tell you I am screwed. If anyone finds this little blog amid the millions of blogs that are light years ahead of me, that are beautiful, well written, and crafty as Martha on steroids, then I will be forever humble…well maybe not forever.

I have been served one blog too many so I’m gonna take a little nap ‘til I sober up.