Monday, June 13, 2011

Sum Sum Summertime Sucks Already

Sum sum sum summertime.  It ain’t officially summertime here until the 21th of June but I am already ready for sum sum sum relief.

I live in Big Thicket, which should be called Big Skillet where we fry up our eggs on the sidewalk from late May until October.   Why?  Just because we can.

 Now I don’t want to sound bitchy but I am.  If you have little delicate sensibilities, you might want to skip this post.

Summer time is supposed to be slow and carefree; a time when you pull off your shoes and dangle your shapely ankles in the clear water of the lake or your backyard pool.  You sip lemonade that appears mysteriously out of nowhere and smile sweetly from under your straw hat.

That is not how it is coming down here at my house.  I’m slow moving, sure, but carefree packed its suitcases and moved to Canada without so much as a kiss goodbye.  My shapely ankles are swollen to water balloon size by lunchtime when the lemonade and sandwich fairy should deliver the goods, but evidently she has moved on as well. 

I know I should be grateful.  I have a roof over my head.  There are terrible disasters everywhere, but I am just a hot self-centered woman trying to escape ridiculously high energy bills and I am not running my air conditioner and that very fact is running my life.

Sweaty Hugs,

Ida Clare

Monday, June 6, 2011

From the “What were you thinking department?” or “So this is how you tweet your wiener, Mr Weiner?”

Anthony Weiner’s wiener is, in fact, the wiener in the wiener picture of the Weiner scandal.  Weiner gate is alive and well in Washington. 

Once the cell phone was invented that could take a photo, a phenomenon began to occur.  Women from the get go, started taking photos of their kids, their friends, the food they are about to have for dinner, their engagement rings, rugs that might match the furniture in the den, art they might want to buy, flowers, puppies, kittens, shoes their best friend needs to buy to match the dress she is wearing to her daughter’s wedding, rock stars at concerts, celebrities at charity events, their neighbor’s horrible yard ornaments, copies of valuable documents, t-ball and soccer games, a beautiful sunset, the kid’s recital, the tomatoes growing in the garden, and events like weddings, graduation, and family reunions.

Men take photos of their wieners..

Anthony (Mr. Bulgy Underpants) Weiner, you have nothing more important to do as a United States Congressman than to be the focus of your own photo session?  Are you smarter than a fifth grader?  Get the hell out of the House of Representatives and go to your house and tweet your wiener all day long if you want to, but not on company time.

Ida Clare