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Since fireworks have been banned in the state of Texas we are all going to have to do our part to celebrate without them.
Fourth of July and fireworks always bring to mind my slutty sister, IdaHo – the best bang in town, but that's another kind of celebration.
Here are a few ideas to get you started or my big bang theory of how to celebrate without gunpowder.
Ø Shoot off your mouth
Ø Pop off about things you know nothing about
Ø Wear all your sparkler jewelry at one time (Ahem, I won’t be wearing that cubic zirconium number I received from my ex. He told me it was real. Well, he told me a lot of things, but I digress. Now we know why he is my ex.)
Ø The only permissible bottle rocket is the firewater in your beer bottle or pop-a-top on enough beers that you no longer care what day it is.
Fireworks have been banned. It’s too hot for a parade or a picnic.
I am going to celebrate my independence by parading around in my underwear until I plop my lily white derriere into a bathtub full of ice cubes, Drink an All-American Red Strawberry Margarita till I turn blue!
Happy Independence Day!