I declare, I was tempted to lie to you, Dear Reader.
“You, Ida? We’d find that hard to believe.”
Well, can you believe there hasn’t been a blog post since the heat wave of 2011 killed the ambitions of thousands of bloggers in Bloglandia? “Oh, we hadn’t noticed.”
I’ll ignore that last comment.
What you might have said is, “Where have you been, Darling Ida, and what has kept you away so long? We’ve missed you.”
“Then we would be tempted to lie; but, let’s hear your lame excuse anyway.” Look, I’ve been making up excuses since I told my mother that the daily bubble gum stuck on the bed post was put there nightly by the tooth fairy who was only practicing dental hygiene. It is tempting to make up some long-winded heartfelt reason why I haven’t been front and center on the little bloggie, but you’ve heard them all before:
The EXCUSE: I gave birth to twins.
The TRUTH: I drink twin margaritas every day about the time I get the urge to write something.
Wanna play doctor?
The EXCUSE : I ran off with Leo Di Caprio George Clooney.
The TRUTH: I’ve been watching old reruns of ER.
The EXCUSE : I’ve been sick. The TRUTH: I’ve been sick of blogging.
The same mother that told me that the tooth fairy didn’t chew gum accused me of “lying when the truth would serve me better,” but the truth was if I didn’t get rid of that bubble gum before I fell asleep, it wound up embedded in my unruly hair and if rubbing it with peanut butter didn’t get it out, the scissors would.
I had dreams of being Rapunzel one day. Alas the more my hair grew, the tighter it curled. Eventually, I resorted to wearing a tattered sheet torn in strips that flowed Rapunzel-like down my back secured by two bobby pins; not rooted strong enough for any Prince Charming to grab hold. So Dear Reader, I will not insult you with lame excuses; I’m back. If what I write here gets stuck somewhere you don’t want it to, just remember the peanut butter.